A new year usually means new changes for most people. Resolutions are made--some are kept, and some are forgotten after a month or so. I'm not usually one to make resolutions, just because I don't like feeling that since it's a new year means it's time to finally make the changes and do things better. However, that is just how I am feeling this year. I must say that I am not too sad to see 2013 end. It was a pretty tough year for me with 3 failed IUI treatments, and complications from a breast reduction that ended up costing us a lot of money and me a lot of pain and depression. Don't get me wrong...there were many good things that happened to us in 2013, including some small trips, growing closer in our marriage, Kyhle getting a couple of promotions, me becoming director at the daycare, and spending so much time with family.
I am ready for a change. I don't know if that's because of a new year, or just because I am feeling stuck in a rut that I need to dig out of. Struggling to become pregnant has taken quite a toll, and I am ready to let go of it. (At least for now. :)) Kyhle and I feel like we are busting out of the seams of our apartment and are more than ready for something bigger, even if it means a bigger apartment. I want to do better at my job. I don't know if that means changing my attitude, or changing jobs, but I need to change something somewhere. I love those kids, though.
I need to change my health. I have finally been able to get a free membership to LA Fitness through work, and I have to go 8 times a month or I will be charged. I am grateful for that because it will help motivate me to actually go to the gym and do something about myself. I am ready to feel good, happy, and pretty. I am tired of walking by a mirror and wanting to always adjust my shirts to try to cover a little better. I am tired of being scared of a camera showing anything from my neck down. I know it sounds silly since it is the "new year resolution," but it's all with the timing of when I was able to get the pass from work. My goal after my reduction was to lose weight and become healthy, and since I wasn't cleared to fully workout until October, now is the time! I didn't get surgery for nothing!
Another big thing I have been thinking about lately is the fact that I have lived in Indiana my entire life. I moved to Utah for 4 months of schooling, but it was awful, so I came home. I have traveled a lot in the US, but I feel like there is still so much more to see and do. I have always felt like I am just too attached to my parents and just can't leave them. I have also grown really close with my sister Laura and her children in Indiana, and the thought of moving from them makes me so sad. I am also not good at making new friends at all! I have always felt like I have all the friends I need in my childhood friends, and don't open up and reach out to new people. If we were to move away, it would force me to get to know new people and Kyhle and I could make many new friends as a couple. If we wanted to go through with moving, now would be the time before we do have kids. Then if we decided we wanted to come back and be closer to family once our kids were older, we could do that (as long as there is a job).
I am determined to do some things differently this year. Some may laugh and joke, "She'll give up on it in 2 months...", but I know it has to start somewhere.
“Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.” - Maya Angelou
“The only way that we can live, is if we grow. The only way that we can grow is if we change. The only way that we can change is if we learn. The only way we can learn is if we are exposed. And the only way that we can become exposed is if we throw ourselves out into the open. Do it. Throw yourself.” - C. Joy Bell C.
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